Overriding my spirit with artificiality, silenced all truth it tried to speak. There are many stories I’ve fostered about myself and life as a whole that I lost the ability to hone in on the story told and taught by my spirit. 

I couldn’t see past myself because my past self needed to see me stand up for her dreams. I sat stagnant in the same cycle of events for much longer than I expected because I wouldn’t dig until I found the true source of the impediment blocking my growth and flourishment.

Shame. It would hit like a blast, freezing me immobile in pockets of gloomy despondency. It would blow away my sense of competency and togetherness, crack my facade of constructed impassiveness, and rattle the brittle stilts upon which my entire character sat. 

Shame told me there was always something wrong with what I did, what I’m doing, or what I’m going to do. It told me to look around and compare my life with old friends, coworkers, and random strangers on the street. Shame said that I didn’t deserve to live out in the open, but rather muted with my head facing the ground. It said I was destined to always follow commands, to always be at fault when something bad occurs, and to always choose them and that over me.

And now I’m ashamed of what little I’ve done in offense to how great I’ve stacked my life up against advancement. Our lives look like the self-directed choices we make and the impulse-stricken reactions we do. And I, through the force of immature and ill action, have set myself up for this life that I’m living in, but for some reason I won’t believe that I have the same power to build something new; a life where dreams are actualized rather than switching up fanatically by the season. 

Life is both what you work to make it and how you’re left to perceive it, so when the moment of reflection comes and that image isn’t satisfactory, don’t blame the world for the lack of allegiance to yourself. 

Take what you need, learn what you need, and move on into the real world of decision and action. The past happened but life is happening. I need to begin to rehabilitate myself into the woman that I’ve always had the potential to be and encourage myself towards higher levels of esteem. I will work hard, every day, to open and widen the channel from my spirit to the world. Experiencing life as dramatically as needed to discover what meanings and messages are embedded within its entanglement…living life shamelessly for shame has been the central force behind all of my insecurities. 

Shame erodes with an increase in hard-fought winnings and dissipates as discipline takes over. 

My merriment lies across this divide from shame to esteem. I am not ruled by my emotions, I am driven by my desire for new and better. I am not lazy, I structure my days to allow the time to cultivate my craft needed to level up my career. I’m not afraid of myself anymore because I have learned the worst thing that I could do is to remain passive. I speak up for what’s right and speak out against what’s wrong. I work hard not to mask my insecurities, but to strengthen my abilities. 

Intuition sees through shadows without doubt that it pervades elusivity. The spirit knows, so let it show you the way towards bliss.